Good old Charlie Brown isn’t the only one with a weak spot for lousy-looking Christmas trees. We are fortunate enough to own a small farm property, including several acres that were once used to grow Christmas trees. Most of the trees are still there, only now they are 30-50 feet high. Still, since we moved to Syracuse we’ve cut down one of the trees every Christmas season and used the top portion for our Christmas tree. This year was no different.
The process is simple. First, you go out and find the right type of tree with a promising top. Like this one:
A fraser fir, one of my personal favorites for a Christmas tree. From 40 ft down that top looks pretty full and balanced. Sure, it’s not trimmed to a perfect conical shape like the people who run tree farms for a living do for their customers, but it’s good enough for government work.
Next, we cut down the tree and lop off the top 9-10 feet for our Christmas tree. See how good it looks now!
OK, there are some issues, like the brown stuff in the middle and the gap in the branch spread about 2/3 of the way up, but it still looks like a Christmas tree.
We drag it to the house and I chop off the lowest branches to leave room for the trunk to sit in the tree stand. And then I realize my mistake. Those lowest branches hid a layer of unexpectedly short branches right above them. Withe lowest branches gone the tree suddenly takes on the shape of a 60 year-old man, like this guy:
How many of you allow a 60 year-old man to prance around your house clad only in his underwear? Neither do we (ha, I’m 62).
What to do? As I set the base of the tree in a water bucket I weighed my second thoughts. We have about 4 acres of firs and spruces; I could cut down a better one. But no, dammit! To leave this tree naked by the cold roadside for the township to pick up while we are inside celebrating with a better-looking tree seems unnecessarily cruel and self-indulgent. The tree didn’t ask to be cut down; it’s only fair that we use it. Well, actually my second thought was, do I really want to haul out the chainsaw and wander back under the trees in the half-dark and cut one down that may be worse? And so, after taking inspiration from my inner Linus and inner Dude we decorate the tree, yielding a festive treat for forgiving eyes.
Those of you with a tender conscience about trees may take comfort in learning that a nearby nursery took the rest of the branches from that tree to use in their annual wreath-making classes. The trunk will be cut up and used for firewood.